Sunday, June 8, 2008

LIFE LESSONS: ALWAYS USE A TOILET

I mentioned in a previous post that the world is Big Daddy's drum kit, and also his urinal. Given the choice between a toilet, or sharing streams with nature, my husband will always choose to go outside. Why? I don't know. I can only assume it's got something to do with testosterone. I will only pee outside if I'm 500 miles from the nearest rest area and am pretty sure my bladder is about to explode.

Anyway, this is Big Daddy's Life Lesson (and he is ever long-suffering to let me share this with the World Wide Web). It happened before I met him, when he was in his mid-20's. One evening, he was walking through a commercial section of town (lots of shops and restaurants, etc.), when he felt the sudden urge to go. Now, it being a commercial section of town, there were many porcelain options at his disposal. But, Big Daddy opted to go behind a store, behind a dumpster, behind a fence, to the edge of the woods behind a row of stores to do his business.

Unbeknownst to my darling husband, however, was that fact that a police officer saw him meander behind the row of stores, and probably suspected that he was up to no good. As such, the police officer followed my husband. I seem to recall a Seinfeld episode touching on this very subject .... So, the cop sneaks up behind him, then let's out a loud and sharp, "What are you doing there?"

Long story short, Big Daddy received a citation and had to go to court, where the ticketing officer and the judge had a few laughs at his expense.

Did Big Daddy learn his lesson? Well, now he just pees in our back yard.

8 comments:

wright said...

I just can't even imagine how badly I would have to pee before I would go behind a store, a fence, a dumpster to do it. Men. That's the only explaination!

Karen said...

Men are just funny sometimes! It's like the inexplicable need to be around anyone playing with a barbecue or power tools. Gotta love and appreciate those fantastic differences that keep us so amused at their expense.

Muthering Heights said...

Oh my goodness, that sound SO completely embarrassing!

Rachael said...

This was too funny! I live in the country as well and men won't even use a real toilet, I swear. When I have get togethers at my house, men will walk OUTSIDE to pee - even in the middle of winter. It must be some primal instinct to mark territory.... I'll never get it.

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Shelle said...

Wow...I am laughing so hard right now! I am sorry about the citation but I can't wait to show my husband this post...Definitely a life lesson!lol!

Tanya said...

I was just waiting for you to say he zipped himself a la "Something About Mary." :) Glad he didn't.

mrsneyman said...

i wish i could pee standing up and get away with not wiping. lucky punks.

Natalie said...

While pregnant with #2 I lost what remained of my limited inhibitions regarding really public peeing. In my quest to be a good mom I have to stiffle my instinct to pee anywhere I want since I don't really want my son to just whip it out and pee anywhere. Our general rule is that if you are outside in the front yard then you have to go inside and use the toilet. If you're out back then you can use the nearest tree. I guess it comes from doing a lot of hiking and camping while growing up.