NAKED DAY AT THE RACES

So, each day in our household begins the same way. I am asleep in bed, Cakes is asleep on my left side (having arrived some time between midnight and 1:00 a.m.), Bean is asleep on my right side (having arrived some time between 3:00 and 6:00 a.m.), and the long-suffering Big Daddy is asleep on the couch, having been kicked out of bed by Bean's arrival. So, Big Daddy gets up for work, which usually wakes me up (this morning, he woke me up by taking some of my Peppermint Patties out of my diaper bag stash). Then, I lie trapped between the toddlers until they wake up, usually about an hour or two after Big Daddy has left for work.

And so, semi-rested, I begin the day with my cherubs.

Task One: get them out of their diapers and pj's. That's simple enough. They don't like being in diapers that are sagging to their knees.

Task Two: get food into them. Now, I'm not one of those mom's that believes only breakfast food may be eaten at breakfast; so, some mornings begin with cereal, some with eggs and turkey bacon, some with pizza and Cheetos. I like to give the girls some control of their breakfast choices, because that ensures they will eat at least a portion of their food.

And that brings us to Task Three: get them dressed. It's so much easier said than done. I usually target Bean first, because Cakes will more happily comply with clothing if she sees her big sissy is wearing something. So, I go into the girls' closet and get all required articles of clothing. Bean sees me coming, and the chase is on. My nudist elder child runs, laughing and screaming and completely naked, all over the house, with me in hot pursuit. When I finally catch her, it is a 15-minute ordeal of trying to corral naked, flailing limbs into leg holes and arm holes amid screams of, "I want to be naked!" That ordeal is compounded with the introduction of buttons, zippers, or strings that need to be tied (needless to say, we like clothes with elastic). I ultimately leave a fully-clothed Bean panting on the couch, watching Teletubbies, and move on to Nudist #2. The chase is not as extensive, because Cakes isn't as nimble as Bean, but getting her diapered involves both of my arms and both of my legs and, occasionally, my neck and armpits.

And that is our typical morning. We'll save toothbrushing and hairstyling for another day ....