Monday, October 6, 2008


You have to understand about my older brother. He's very smart. I mean very smart. Well into the genius IQ smart. As a result of his extreme brilliance, he is very logical. Let me give you an example:

Big Bro is sitting in a chair in the living room, watching television. He begins to feel thirsty. Now, at this point, most of us get up and get something to drink. Big Bro weighs his options, logically. Is his thirst so great that it mandates him getting up to get a drink with all that entails, or is his thirst tolerable enough to continue relaxing in front of the television? He ponders this for anywhere from a few seconds to a few minutes, before ultimately reaching his extremely logical conclusion and making his extremely logical decision.

This genius and logic also makes Big Bro very calm. It's very hard to ruffle his feathers. And, believe me, I really put him through the wringer sometimes when we were kids. He's pretty unflappable. Rarely flapped.

Big Bro's wife just recently gave birth to their first child. We all know how those first babies are supposed to be. Labor is supposed to start slow, build to a crescendo followed by blissful painkillers, and twelve hours later a baby is brought into the world. Things started out that way. We got a phone call at 10:00 p.m. saying Big Bro and his wife were on their way to the hospital with contractions. We figured it would probably be about twelve hours before we heard anything, so we went to bed. And woke to the following story, that would only happen to my calm, genius brother:

Big Bro and his wife arrived at the hospital and spent the following five hours walking around, trying to progress labor. His wife was having regular contractions, but they weren't doing anything. The doctor finally decided to give her a muscle relaxer to take the edge off, and sent her home with instructions to return once her labor had progressed a little further.

So, home went the frustrated couple, with his wife still having quite painful and very regular contractions. Apparently, the muscle relaxer didn't do much for the pain. It did, however, relax the muscle that was holding the baby in her uterus. She went from 0 cm to 10 cm in three hours. Ouch!

Somewhere between 5:00 and 6:00 a.m., her water suddenly broke. Big Bro heard her calling, "I can't hold him in!"

"Well," said Big Bro, matter-of-factly, "let him out."

Within one minute of his wife's water breaking, Big Bro had delivered his own child! When I asked him about it later, he said, "Well, I caught the baby, cleared his mouth out so he could breathe, tied off his cord with a shoelace, and called 911."


His wife's hospital charts now say, "Watch for fast delivery."


Muthering Heights said...

That's absolutely crazy!

Kara said...

Wow, wow!! But look at that sweet baby:)